Santa

This year saw the first Belfast City Council funded Saint Patrick's Day parade. In return for £100,000 worth of rate-payers money, the council stipulated "there should be no emblems or symbols that would be deemed as sectarian, racist, or anything that would be offensive to anyone" (i.e. no tricklers [sic]). In the absence of the Irish flag at a parade in honour of patron saint of Ireland, and the forbidden use of imagery that might upset Loyalists, the paraders cleverly employed allegory and metaphor to tell the story of Patrick, much like dissident artists in Soviet-era Russia:


Saint Patrick was a milliner by profession; here we see examples of his trademark extended hennin

Exploiting his relationship with God, Saint Patrick could perform many magic tricks, which he called "miracles". One of his favourites was turning himself into a two dimentional cartoon character.

Saint Patrick was a Viking. When he bred with the dark skinned, black haired Irish natives, his Aryan genes were responsible the ginger haired, pale skinned Irish stereotype we know today.

Saint Patrick played the drums, but he wasn't very good at it.



Saint Patrick rode around on a giant green monster and was 18 feet tall.

Saint Patrick was gay. In fact, Saint Patrick invented gayness.

Saint Patrick's favourite type of music was reggae. He used to play drums for a reggae band that practiced in his dad's polytunnel, but they threw him out because he couldn't master the rapid-sticking high-hat accent necessary for their dub-informed style.

Saint Patrick was a communist.

Thus both Protestant and Catholic rate-payers funded a parade that was inoffensive to all and entertaining to none.

Joy

Joyriding in Belfast has been a popular pastime for scallywags since the 1930s. Research blames joyriding on the lack of opportunities for leisure or self expression open to young, working class males. Young, working class males would say it's just a bit of crack. From both viewpoints it's undoubtedly thrilling.

On occasion, one comes across the fruits of their leisure:


Three issues of note:
1. Deft skill was needed to manoeuver the car between the lampost and wall without damage to the front bumper. Perhaps the driver is demonstrating a little compassion, reducing the cost of repair to the owner.
2. In a second display of compassion and responsibility, they kindly left the hazzard lights on.
3. The sun rises quickly in the north.

Capital

Of the two pictures taken in this city, this one identifies the country. There's always something in a European supermarket that displays a nation's character, be it crispbreads in Hemköp, fish in El Corte Inglés or, um, ready meals in Tescos. Stealth was employed to position the pillar between the cheese controller and the mobile phone camera operator: taking pictures in supermarkets can lead to strange looks and perhaps even ejection.


A fair proportion of the graffiti is written in English; this may be down to the excellent standard of English spoken by this nation's inhabitants, or because so many English speaking tourists visit this city. This piece was the most intriguing: nice use of metaphor but wasted on those without sufficient costal experience. The closest comparison most UK inhabitants could draw would be that fish that tried to commit suicide by swimming up the Thames. My dad said they should have shot it.