Dooey

You'll find Dooey Hostel in Glencolumbkille, which is about a further 20 minute drive on past Killybegs in Donegal. It's the maddest looking hostel, built without planning permission into the side of a cliff and having a flat roof covered with sprouting turf.

You'll be met with this as soon as you enter:

The corridor is half ivy clad cliff, half dayglo orange clad authentic early eighties walls. There are even giant plastic spiders hidden among the ivy to blow your tiny little mind even further out of orbit.

And this is the view from your room. Awesome.

Not only do you get all this for 12 Euro a night, Mary the sexagenarian hostel manager will even make you a cup of tea and bring it to you in bed when you're hungover.

Recommended.

Germany

Northern Ireland 1 - 4 Germany

You can download a video of the David Healy penalty (taken from the West Stand) here. It's 4.7MB.

It's in MotionJPEG format if you're having trouble playing it, and the website hosting it has a maximum download limit of 100MB per month, so 20 lucky people will get to see it each month. If you know a better place for hosting please let me know.

Edit: or try this link

Employment

Bad news: the adventure draws to a close as an administrative assistant position has been offered and reluctantly accepted.

Good news: it's a temporary position, and the adventure will continue in September.

In the meantime, posts will continue to appear at the misnomered Unemployment Adventure.

Frog

We are simple folk with few cares in Fermanagh. Like most, we like to let our hair down and have a few drinks at the weekend. Our nightclubs our not sophisticated, but are adequate enough to permit a wee boogie. The crowd in the picture below are (believe it or not) dancing to The Crazy Frog's Axel F. The song isn't being played for postmodern ironic kicks; it's played because most people enjoy it, even if it was at the expense of a ruthlessly effective marketing campaign. This explains why it remains top of the single charts.

It has no relation to or, indeed, explain why there is fresh blood on the wall of the taxi cab office.

Buildings

If you ever find yourself unemployed, you can volunteer your time and skills to relieve the boredom/ease your civic conscience/get some free training/disguise your laziness. If you want to volunteer in Fermanagh, you'll have to go to Enniskillen, and this is where you will go:

Fermanagh Volunteer Bureau, Belmore Street

The Bureau inconspicuously occupies all three floors of this modest Georgian terraced townhouse, the interior of which appears to have been refitted circa 1985 or so, with fake mahogany veneered three drawer medium density fibreboard desks and worn synthetic carpet tiles. The pleasant and friendly staff will advise unemployds who enquire about the possibility of receiving training to visit the:

New Hope Centre, Erne Road

This foundered cruise ship of a building was built in 2002 with £750,000 of our European money. The feeble postmodern nod to the art deco nod to the golden age of the cruiseliner may barely have found acceptance in a maritime setting, but is totally incongruous in this muddy puddle of a county. Inside is a suite of 55 computers (unused), and one corner of the building appears to be a creche (used). The pleasant, friendly and what appeared to be the only gent inside will confirm that unemployds can indeed receive 100% funding for course fees, including the ECDL and CompTIA A+ certificates; simply speak to a personal advisor at the:

Jobs and Benefits Office, Queen Elizabeth Road

The purple painted wood and pebbledash facia was replaced in the early nineties with what was then rather modish prefab concrete panels with concrete detailing, accented with blue PVC doors and windows, which compliments the interior as well as soulless prefabs can be expected. When inquiring about funding for training, it's best not to be disheartened when told only long term unemployds are eligible for funding, the threshold for which has recently been increased from one year to 18 months (which, by mere coincidence, decreases the total number of long term unemployds). However, Enterprise Ulster run a scheme that enrolls unemployds after 6 months unemployment. Their office is just around the corner, but can be visited via the:

Northern Ireland Housing Executive, Head Street

...where you can drop off a Housing Benefit claim form to the receptionist with the second finest Enniskillen accent in Enniskillen (the finest belongs to the cuttie that supplies announcements over the public address system in Dunnes Stores). The receptionist is ensconced within this tumulus of giant Legomen faeces iced with the black blood of the architects, happy she does not have the misfortune to be looking at the exterior when inside. Around the corner you'll find the:

Enterprise Ulster Office, Darling Street

Another Georgian terraced townhouse; those with a keen eye may notice the original stonework has been plastered over with cement and the outline of blocks scored into it, creating a miserable reproduction of what was already there in the first place. The magnolia interior will lull you into a false sense of familiarity, unable to fully comprehend the information soon to be imparted: the Enterprise Ulster Training for Work scheme provides funding for a part time course at the Fermanagh College of Further Education providing a work placement is sourced that bears some relation to the course studied. Since last Monday, the minimum hours that must be worked on the placement have been increased from 15 to 20 hours, for which the placementee receives £15.38 additional benefit. You may wish to share with the interviewer that if only the minimum number of hours are worked, this equates to an exploitative rate of pay of less than 75p an hour. Perhaps you will join in her laughter when she explains that the rate is set by "The Government" whilst surrepticiously wiping away a tear of frustration. To find out what courses were available, a trip will be required to the:

Fermanagh College of Further Education, Gaol Square

The monolith, the tallest building in Enniskillen, the first thing travelers from Belfast will see upon entering the town, the building that completely obscures the Gothic Revivalist gaolhouse. The most pleasant and friendly ladies in the admissions office will try their best to find out what courses fall under the Enterprise Ulster Training for Work scheme, despite never having heard of it. When they ultimately cannot provide the information requested, they will suggest you return to:

The Jobs and Benefits Office, Queen Elizabeth Road

...securely protected by its weldmesh fences. Your personal advisor will be unable to provide a list of courses for the Training for Work scheme, agree there is little incentive to enroll anyway and concede there is nothing more they can do to help. They will, however, express gratitude after you say that it is not their fault when they apologise.

Hopefully, if you decide to volunteer, your day will not turn out anywhere near as ugly.

Cocktail

Last week I was fortunate enough to be invited to attend the relaunch of Cutters Wharf Bar in Stranmillis. Wayne Collins, star of UKTV Food, was on hand to mix cocktails to go with the food. Wayne is Maxxium's in house mixologist (perhaps a slightly disingenuous title; by that token surely builders would be brickologists?), and winner of the Drinks International Cocktail Challenge. He certainly knew his stuff, and did a good job of playing to the crowd.

The first course was Char Sui pork and prawn spring roll (nice enough), and was accompanied by an "Asia Daisy": Plymouth Gin and Bols Lychee shaken with crushed lime and a splash of ginger, which was lovely: because it contained some of the spices used in oriental cooking it went well with the spring rolls

The main was baked hake with basil and mozzarella crust, fresh ratatouille and basil glaze (the ratatouille had ketchup added, the potato and carrot and parsnip purées were cold and lumpy). The white fish got a white wine cocktail accompaniment, the "Thompson Martini": crushed seedless grapes shaken with Absolut Citron, elderflower cordial and Sauvignon Blanc. Another superb cocktail; the grape and wine combination seems so obvious now.

A somewhat clichéd cheesecake was for dessert (too much butter in the base- you could hear spoons clanging off plates all around the restaurant), vanilla with passion fruit sauce. "Chocolate Flip" was the dessert cocktail: Remy Martin Cognac shaken with Bols Brown Cacao, Ruby Port, vanilla and fresh egg yolk. This emulsified into something resembling a chocolate milkshake, which was delicious, but unfortunately it felt like you were eating two deserts; the cocktail alone would have been enough.

But it was all great stuff and all for free! You don't just 'exist' when you're unemployed!