Otter

The first post from Northern Ireland! Written in a public library! It smells of damp clothes that were not hung out to dry soon enough!

The interview for unemployment benefit (in old money; "Job Seeker's Allowance" in decimal) was straightforward, and benefit was kindly backdated to the 22nd. The most amusing aspect was the poster of the young, happy family, which some wag had defaced: the child now asks, "Mummy, why does daddy always drink the giro money?".

They weren't very forthcoming with advice on starting your own small business, however. In fact, the interviewer seemed to become reticent when FLAG was mentioned, and mumbed something about visiting LEDU, which is located in a shed in an industrial estate outside town. LEDU's website isn't working right now either.

Oh, and I saw a dead otter on the road today :(

Typed

My flatmate's father kindly provided a Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator self-assesment personality test (the one that costs £176.25 to take online, listed in Personality), for which I am grateful.

According to Carl Jung, I'm an ISTP. This type of person should consider these roles:

Police and Detective Work
Forensic Pathologists
Computer Programmers, System Analysts and Computer Specialists
Engineers
Carpenters
Mechanics
Pilots, Drivers, Motorcyclists
Athletes
Entrepreneurs

By amusing coinsidence, I requested an application form for a Crime Scene Investigator job yesterday. No need to accord portentious affiliation, of course (yes! triple pretentious word score!)

Hello

*waves to former colleagues*

Shouldn't you get back to work?








[Context: the farewell mail at work included a link to this site. Now they know]

Gratuitous

Another picture from my homeland; this is about 10 minutes from my parent's house (turn left over that green hill in the picture in "Compare, Aptitude, Earn"). I think this was taken around dusk on Boxing Day.


Another office-based job has been applied for, but it's only for 6 hours a day (which may be tolerable). After calculation of post-tax salary, this sitting-down-in-front-of-a-computer job provides a greater disposable income than my current job.

But then again, money is only a means by which some measure status, innit?
2 more days of work to complete, 10 days remaining in the capital...

Optimism

All of the telephones in the British Gas call centre department that deal with moving home are broken. All callers receive an engaged tone when they get through, whether they call indirectly (08456070200, option 3, option 3), directly (08456091133) or internally via a call centre operative in another department.

In the past, this sort of thing would cause me to shake my fists at God and curse him for once again hurling obstacles upon my path, before wallowing in a supercilious slurry of self-pity.

However, a comment from Jon Ronson on his radio show has forced a different take on life's impedimenta. He cheerfully stated he was an "optimist- because things conspire to destroy me". This somewhat paradoxical statement required some rationalisation, leading to the conclusion that, yes, things conspire to destroy you, but they inevitably don't. Any hindrance encountered will eventually be surpassed, and there is no point dwelling on a problem which only exists to be overcome.

Hmm... that monstrance doesn't look like it holds water (Honk! Honestly... it was an unintended pun). Perhaps I misheard Mr. Ronson, and should believe the cynical conspiracy theory that it is as near impossible to close your accounts with British gas as it is to get an ISP migration code.

Personality

David Craik wrote a feature for The Guardian claiming he took 6 online tests to find a job that matches his personality. Results from these tests may prove useful in the unemployment adventure

Perhaps he was too busy to complete his research last week, as the first site listed only has sample questions, not a full online test (maybe I'm being a bit dumb, but I couldn't find any mention of an online test, even on the site map).

The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator looked good, but costs at least £176.25 to be assessed. Ho hum.

The Keirsey Temperament Sorter worked: coincidently, I have a "Guardian" temperament: no, I'm not a pinko leftie commie liberal; according to this test I'm a "cornerstone of society" and "work steadily within the system", but "sometimes worry that respect for authority, even a fundamental sense of right and wrong, is being lost". Better start buying the Daily Mail, then. There are four further subdivisions within the "Guardian" caste, but you have to fork out for the privilege of finding out exactly what type of cog you are.

More falsehoods from Mr Craik- the SHL Direct site does not offer a personality test and career guidance. It has, however, got the best online aptitude tests: they are timed and thus recreate realistic test conditions. I even saw a few questions reappear from the aptitude test I sat just before Christmas. It also provides the test results, to boost/deflate your intellectual ego.

And finally, the Advanced Multidimensional Personality Matrix (AMPM). Loadsa questions, leading to a horoscope-esque personality assessment. I'm classified as a "Stoic", and was told "your emotional stability is an asset in everything you do, [Please pay $14 to find out more]"

So, David Craik, after wasting most of the day on these snake-oil merchants, I'm still none the wiser as to what job I should be looking for. Gah!

Service

Adding text to the NICS's job application pdf was tricky- lots of Ctrl + left clicking and menu navigation. I don't even know what exactly this application is for: "graduate recruitment" is, as to be expected, vague.

However, those acquaintances that work in the Civil Service have painted a fair picture of what it's like: sitting in an office in front of a computer trying to waste time.

Even though I have lots of experience in that particular field, it's not exactly the type of thing you can list on your CV. Or a governmental job application pdf.

Student Moans

Deferring payment on a Student Loan is not as straightforward as it may seem: deferment is assessed only by examination of payslips issued over the previous 3 months.

If, for the sake of example, you find yourself unemployed and apply for deferment, the SLC Ltd will still consider you an earner as they will have examined payslips from the 3 months you were working before joblessness. You would have to have to make payments until your average income over the preceding 3 months falls below the deferment threshold.

Fortunately, this will not affect me as maximum gross income allowed before deferment is £1,897 a month: I have been punching above my weight in terms of the SLC's definition of my ability to repay.

Unfortunately, I was unaware of this while on the phone to the adviser. Despite turning red and becoming het up, manners and decorum were maintained, although I'm sure a tone approaching stressed exasperation affected the conversation. I'll have to try to keep that emotion in check when I encounter future bureaucratic hurdles.

Effort

Tomorrow's the day I sort out all the crap I've been putting off: changing address for bank statements and credit cards, persuading the Student Loans Company Ltd to defer payments, sorting out the replacement tenant (sourced by a considerate flatmate, for which I'm grateful), and finding out when I can start claiming Jobseeker's allowance. The latter issue raises most concerns- I don't trust the man from the Social Security Agency that assured eligibility for benefits.

The last day in the office will be the 21st, and a one-way plane ticket has been booked for the 30th.

It was a little dark in the office yesterday, so I raised the blind on the window in front of my desk. The metal bars across the inside of the window have never seemed more stark. How's that for clumsy allegory to freedom from corporate subordination?

End of [Holi]Days

It was a lovely break: chatting old friends, eating good food, snoozing on a 3 seater sofa that accommodates my entire length. And it was a White Christmas too- no photos, but I'll check on my dad's digital camera: he was out taking pictures.

Unemployment Update: A letter was waiting upon my return to the flat: further to my attendance at a recent testing session (see post below), a person present was "pleased to advise that you have been selected for the next stage of the competition". They will let me know if I've been selected for interview in the New Year. Aside from the wearily expected vagueness of schedule, I was amused by the conversion of a life-changing event to a jolly game. To be fair, the use of the word in this context and still adheres to its definition, but conjures images of board games, or perhaps (appropriately enough) a sack race.

Unfortunate news: "Hydromancer" cannot be claimed as a neologism.

Scary latent stalkerish news: A female not unpleasant in appearance was observed reading a small photocopied pamphlet on the tube last night. The title of the pamphlet intrigued, so was memorised and Googled, leading to an offbeat Russian tours website. Some people could misconstrue this as frightening stalker behaviour- let me assure you I have no intention of booking a trans-Siberian train trip on the implausible chance of meeting this particular lady (or similar).

Besides, I can't afford it.